Shalom!

We are now in the Ten Days of Awe - today is Tishrei 9...Kol Nidrei ushers in Yom Kippur tomorrow evening/Tishrei 10. I feel awful tonight. I had prayed that I would use these 10 Days to really focus on what needs changed in my life...so that I can serve G-d more fully...be a much better Christian woman..."take away the Dross, L-rd - leave the silver"...today I failed miserably.

I confess to you that I have no idea how to get along with some people that I care deeply about...that I love as brothers and sisters who are walking along with me on this Journey to Bless Israel...today's confrontation has left me drained and weary...

I teach everyone that comes to my life and wants to understand The Jewish Roots of the Faith that once G-d calls you to this walk, you must not turn away...hence my pain and sadness that once again I find myself not knowing how to close off the failures and move forward with a clean and pure heart...

It is difficult to try to mesh individuals with different temperaments and personalities...I have told all my friends and loved ones that there are times that I am "bitchy" and must just be left alone to work through whatever is bothering me...thankfully, most of them accept that aspect of my personality and allow me to work through whatever issues I am dealing with...I don't like this about myself at all...but I am now 65 and know that this is part of me...a part of me that I am not proud of...

So, tonight...well, really early this new day as it is after midnight now, I am wrestling with how to resolve a thorny issue with a dear friend... a friend that I only want to help but don't know quite how to do so...a friend that I never want to hurt...but with whom I find myself in recurring arguements and painful displays of anger with...none of this is right...none of it is what I want to be - especially in these 10 Days when tshuvah/repentance is so critical and introspection mandatory...

The irony of today's sadness is that it comes after a preceeding day of much joy and rewards poured out by The G-d of Israel and His Blessings...that is what makes this so sad...He has been so good and I have failed so badly...

Kol Nidrei ushers in Yom Kippur - the Great Day of Atonement...Kol Nidrei allows us to confess and forego situations that we either found or got ourselves into that we want to extricate ourselves from in this New Year. I will be in Synagogue tonight...asking Him to help me forge ahead with the plans He has for my life...and praying that somehow I can change and overcome those painful situations that I found myself in today.

Be at peace! We have the promise of forgiveness in Him who loved us enough to send His Only Begotten Son to die for our sins...the Azazel and the Sacrifice...with His Blood we are healed and spared...the Blood in Egypt that night of the Exodus was placed over the door of the house....it formed a perfect "HEY" - the Hebrew Letter that is part of His Name: Yud Hey Vav Hey - the unutterable name of the Most High G-d of Israel...I will lie down and sleep tonight...confident in the forgiveness that He provided for failures like today...and rest in His Arms to awake to a new day in which I will try to do much better.

May you and your loved ones be inscribed for a healthy and wonderful year!